This post will address a subject that we all think about from time to time but rarely discuss - planning ahead for funeral and cemetery arrangements. I’ll explain why many people do this type of planning and I’ll offer some suggestions as to the right way and wrong way to go about it.
I feel strongly that no one should have to come through our doors totally unprepared and uninformed on the day they have lost a loved one. Unfortunately, many families face the loss of a loved one just that way – making decisions at an emotionally difficult time, arguing over details and choices and scrambling to gather money for the expenses.
It simply does not have to be this way. There are certain steps that can be taken ahead of time to help your loved ones.
The idea of preplanning is nothing new. In fact, it can be traced back thousands of years to the pyramids of
The fact of the matter is that most of us are quick to prepare for one of things that may or may not happen, such as an accident or illness - and yet we avoid planning for something that is certain – the death of a loved one. Every day, millions of Americans invest thousands of dollars in home, health and auto insurance premiums each year but never discuss funeral or cemetery planning. Why? Doesn't it make sense to do some planning in this area also?
There are five main reasons why more and more responsible people are taking the time out to plan in this area:
- Planning calmly together avoids resorting to painful guesswork when death occurs suddenly and the mind is clouded with confusion and grief.
- Pre-selecting and pre-funding your arrangements prevents emotional overspending by survivors who may not know your wishes.
- Prearranging now and purchasing your funeral at today’s prices can also protect you from inflationary increases in the future.
- All decisions can be made together as they should be rather than alone on the worst day of your life.
- Knowing that these decisions are “all taken care of” provides immeasurable peace of mind.
The common denominator in these reasons is that people do this because they love each other.
I don’t know how many of you have had to make funeral and or cemetery arrangements for a loved one without any idea of what they wanted. Or what the cost would be! The question that you have to ask yourself is ‘Would you like to put your loved ones in that position?’ And what would the cost be to them? Remember that as the cost of living increases, so does the cost of dying.
There are four simple steps to the planning process:
- Reflect upon your wishes
- Record your wishes
- Share your wishes
- Financially support your wishes
Having been in the position of assisting families where there was no information and no planning, I want you all to understand how valuable this type of planning will be to your survivors. The good news is there is about a better way to go about things.
Reflect upon your wishes
Spend time thinking about what you want your final arrangements to be. Consult close family members and include them in the process, if you wish. One day, it will help your loved ones during an emotional time!
Record your funeral and cemetery preferences
There are resources available to document your wishes such as the Personal Planning Guide (contact me so that I may personally deliver a copy for you and your family). Record such things as:
- Your choice between burial or cremation
- Details of your cemetery arrangements – traditional earth burial, mausoleum, scattering of the ashes, or something else
- Type of casket or urn
- Ideas about visitation or calling hours
- Where will the ceremonies take place?
- Favorite scripture, flowers or charity for memorial tributes
- Pertinent stories, tales or obituary /death notice information
- Ways to personalize the events with symbols of your hobbies, interests or pastimes
- Vital statistics
- Listings of family members and relatives
- Close friends, advisors and organizations that need to be notified
- Details of military tributes, such as a graveside honor ceremony
Write down everything from traditional items to things you might not think of, such as the type of music you want at your service or whether you want your loved ones to celebrate your life with a party or gathering. I can tell you from personal experience that families who have documented their wishes when someone dies are thankful because they know that they have carried out the expressed wishes of the deceased. I believe it is one of the most helpful, loving things you can do.
With some planning, you have the ability to make life’s most difficult experience easier to bear for those you love. There is no reason not to do that.
Share your wishes
Once you have taken the time to reflect upon and record your final wishes, take the time to share them with your family. Don’t assume they will know what you want. Keep copies of your funeral planning document in a filing cabinet or in-home safe. Make sure your family knows you have recorded your wishes, and where the record of your wishes is kept. Often, prearrangements stored in safe deposit boxes or with wills are not discovered until after funeral services have been conducted. Make sure others, including your legal counsel, know where your document exists. If you preplan and financially support your arrangements with a funeral provider, see if they provide a next-of-kin letter letting your family know you’ve completed the process.
Financially support your wishes
The fourth and final step in the planning process is supporting your arrangement – making financial arrangements to carry your final wishes out. Even if you have made all of your wishes known, someone still has to pay for your funeral and burial. This can be an unexpected financial burden on your survivors. Life insurance benefits are often used for many other matters. Bank accounts may be inaccessible. It is not unusual to see borrowing from children or relatives take place.
A far better situation is for a family to arrive at the funeral home or cemetery, have an arranger retrieve their file, and say to them, ‘Everything is taken care of; we’ll just need to review the arrangements with you.’ By supporting your arrangements, you give your family the freedom to celebrate your life, instead of leaving them the burden of paying for your funeral.
Just as with many other things, funeral and burial costs increase over time. It wasn’t that long ago that a car cost $2,600 and an average home was only $12,700. Guess what? That was well over 50 years ago. Just like those costs have gone up, the cost of funeral and cemetery arrangements has gone up as well. When you project that into the future, consider the impact it will have on your own final expenses.
There are many options available to fund arrangements, including private savings accounts or investments, insurance policies or prepaying with a reliable funeral provider. While traditional life insurance claims may take several weeks to process, a specialized funeral insurance policy often pays claims in 48 hours or less. Additionally, your prearrangement may qualify as an exempt asset for Medicaid planning purposes.
Discuss payment options with someone you trust to help you evaluate and determine the right choice for you. Confirm that any funds connected with prearranged funerals and before-need cemetery purchases are protected by secured trusts, insurance policies or surety bonds.
Planning in advance allows you to consider the options and plans that are best for you and those you love.
There are NO GOOD REASONS NOT TO PREPLAN! There are literally no good reasons why ANYONE would avoid making their final arrangements. Think about it. We plan for all the important occasions in our lives…education…weddings...holidays...buying a house...we even plan for retirement! Planning your final arrangements is no different.
My goal today is that you should now be better informed and better prepared. We all will eventually experience the loss of a loved one. And those we love the most will eventually experience our loss. This is inevitable. I know what a difference advance planning can make. We all have a choice. We can ignore the need for planning and let the chips fall where they may. Or, we can consider the advantages to our family and take steps now to provide for them, just like we've done in so many other areas of planning.
I know it’s not an easy thing to discuss. It’s easy to look at each other and say, ‘We’re fine, we don’t need to do this now.’ I realize it’s a personal decision. I also realize that when I go to work tomorrow, the phone will ring. And the family on the other end of the line will be a lot like you, except for them losing someone they love will have become a reality.
For more information on planning for final arrangements, or to have a Personal Planning Guide and/or a Veteran’s Planning Guide personally delivered to you, contact me at pfs1911@gmail.com.
---This site may contain concepts that have legal, accounting and tax implications. It is not intended to provide legal, accounting or tax advice. You may wish to consult a competent attorney, tax advisor, or accountant.If you have any questions or know anyone who might need any of the types of services described within, please do not hesitate to contact us for a free consultation. Email us at pfs1911@gmail.com.
